You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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