when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
