guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
