i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
