The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
