You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
