fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
