I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
