remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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