Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
