I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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