worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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