good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Is it because I queefed?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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