Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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