I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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