I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Randomize
