it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Randomize
