happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
