k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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