I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
