no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
