I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Sorry about my life...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
