i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
