my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
