Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
