I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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