in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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