if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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