You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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