Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
