Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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