I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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