Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
im six kinds of drunk right now
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
