I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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