its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
