I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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