Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
