there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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