Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
