I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
