that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
