now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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