having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
