I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
