so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
