I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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