i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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