Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
there is glitter all over my balls
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