Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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