My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
What did we do last night that was yellow?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
