he was CRYING into my vagina
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
