Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
