I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
