in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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