If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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