Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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