Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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